Poppy Family - Which Way You Goin' Billy (1969 - HD - 720p)

wish you were here

Dear Rex,
I am sick.
I wish you were here.

I seem to have one of your illnesses.
I'm certainly getting all your medicines -- the medrol pack, the nebulizer, a puffer, mucinex ...
I don't wanna have what you had.
I don't wanna live how you did.
I don't have you to see me through it.
To take care of my medicines
and myself.

well, it is what it is, and it will be what it will be, there's nithing I can di about nit except take the medicines and be compliant.

I am sick.
I am afraid.
I am alone.

A Moment; A Reminder

I had a moment the other day.

I was talking to you, as I often do. About my pain, about work, about the girls, or the babies. Or maybe the mowing -- I think of/talk to you a lot over that. I don't remember what the topic was, but it suddenly hit me, like a physical blow, that you weren't really there, that you can't answer, that there is no sharing
.
You are gone, and I am left with this big hole in my soul where you have been for nearly half my life.
I was hurt; I was angry.

And then I remembered.
1) You are no longer struggling for that one more breath
2)  You are not hungry and unable to eat
3) You don't have to choose between eating or breathing.
4) Your bones are no longer painfully grinding themselves into dust.
5) You aren't tethered to a chair, a room, or an oxygen machine

While I wish you were still here, I am glad that you are no longer sick; no longer suffering.

I have to remember that when those moments hit me.
Because those are all the things I've wanted for you, all the years that I couldn't make it better.

I had to give you up to give you what I wanted for you.

Mother's Day

It was my second night at work, and the first whole shift I worked. It was also busy, and I'd have been a terrible disappointing failure if our Tammy hadn't been there to help. Her and her whole crew, because they were all helping "Hey Tammy's Mom."

Anyway, the long, long, very long night was coming, finally, to an end. The morning shift people were coming in and everyone was greeting everyone and some, of course, were saying "Happy Mother's Day."

Tammy passed me and said, "Happy Mother's Day. I got you a job." and went about her business.

Still making me smile.

Summer and Sun

I got a job; I am going back to work.
Someday.
Having to wait on uniforms, and who knows when they will arrive? I did do orientation.

But, there's an unexpected plus side to the delay.
I was ordered a sleep study a couple months ago. First they had to cancel, then I did. I don't remember why, now, that I had to cancel. But, with starting this job, I figured I would have to give up on that.
Well, the hospital called me this morning. They had a cancellation for tonight. Would I like it?
Yay! I can get that in without having to juggle it with a work schedule with an unpredictable schedule. I'm pretty happy about that!


Remember last summer when I told you I (we) would get the mowing done, if it had to be a little bit every day and ten start over?
Well, that's what I have been doing this week. It's working. It's getting the job done. Tracy is helping. I think you would be pleased with both of us -- and impatient that you couldn't get out there and do it yourself in 1/4 the time.

Amd, with the return of 80 degree temperatures, I need to set the pool up for the kids. I really need to do that because the water will keep your little Buddy out of the road. He runs us ragged when we get outside, trying to keep him in the yard.

Good News

I got a job. Tammy talked and kept talking and got the ear of the right person at her job to give me a chance, and I go tomorrow to get started.
So I wasn't so very wrong when I said she'd take care of me, because she is really doing her best to do so.She said that someone offered to give her my schedule already, even, although I haven't yet been to orientation. That sounds pretty good, doesn't it?

The other good news is more mixed. The landlords brought a push-mower over for me to use. It starts fairly easy, so I can use it. But boy that back yard is tough. all bumps and dips. I got most of it done yesterday and today. Ran out of gas just short of finishing. Went and got gas, but cant get it started. I think my pulling arm is too weak, so I guess I'll wait until tomorrow or the next day. Depending on my work schedule.

I like the sound of that.

Pretty tired and sore from shoving that mower over the bumps and all. But it's a good tired. I can sure see why you couldn't  do it though. Especially not with a walk-behind.

I miss you, but I'm getting by.
And that's a little sad.