In My Dreams

In my dreams, you live.
In my dreams, you laugh.
In my dreams, you love, you share,
you speak, you care.

But only in my dreams.

In my dreams, we talk
In my dreams we walk
In my dreams, we're hand in hand
and face to face

But only in my dreams

again

the nightmare returned last night. I lay awake in the night, hearing that woman doctor saying "This is end stage" and something about decisions. don't remember the exact words, but we both knew what she meant.

I didn't want you to die in the city; I so badly hoped we could bring you  back out here; to the hospice here. But that didn't make the list and we had to make do with looking down on the trees. Not that you were able to look at anything.
In the long hours of the night, hearing those words echoing, I remember sitting beside you holding your hand. I hope you remember that, if you remember anything of here. I just held your hand.

I told you after the other hospitalization that I wouldn't leave you downtown again, and I didn't.
You left me.

Not by choice, I know
There was no choice that would have allowed us to stay together.
"This is end stage"
The words echo and echo again, and I am holding your warm firm hand, unbelieving of what is happening, but knowing it to be too real, too.

How can something be real and unreal together at the same time.

I held your hand.

And I count myself fortunate that I had that option.
Not everyone gets to be there or do that.

"End Stage"
"End Stage"
"End Stage"

I wish the wirds would go away; echoes should fade into oblivion. Isn't that what they are supposed to do?
.

Working with Tammy

Working with Tammy is very like working with you. Not only does she have your work ethic, she has your work style. It makes me smile.

She does her assigned job and does it well. She is also ready, willing, and able to help anyone who needs it. All they have to do is ask.
And ask they do.

She keeps an eye in me, too. Sometimes she knows I'm hurting just by a look. Doesn't matter what or how I try to bully my way through the pain, she can tell.

She takes good care of me, dear. You would be so proud of her. I wanted you to know that.