Another holiday season survived.
Another blank year started.
I wanted to say empty, but empty isn't accurate. There's plenty to fill up the time -- the grandbabies -- There's so much of you in Warren, and even better he is so loving. Theres my health and helping Tammy and worrying about Tracy. There are people to pray for and care about and causes to support.
So -- empty isn't the right word. Blank, as in the blank squares of a calendar seems correct. Some of the days are filled in; some are not.
Most are not.
I missed you in the shopping and the wrapping.
It was so hard to even start on the wrapping, without someone to talk with and laugh with and just keep company with. Wrapping gifts, even those chosen with love and joy in the pleasure to be can be a lonely business.
Living can be a lonely business.
Especially when one is alone.
(And yet, others around can be so wearying. I have no solutions; only facts.)
I don't write here (or anywhere) as often as I once did. I got out of the habit and sometimes it hurts and sometimes I'm too tired, and sometimes I'm even too tired to hurt MORE.
But I do talk to you often; think of you more, wish you were here, and I am glad you are not here to suffer the weather and the world the way it is.
Except that I wish you were here to answer me back; to miss me when I'm away; to care when I'm not myself.
So selfish of me, when you are pain free and with your brothers.
Just wanted to let you know I have survived one more.
Just wanted you to know I still ache for you at times.
Just wanted you to know...
Another blank year started.
I wanted to say empty, but empty isn't accurate. There's plenty to fill up the time -- the grandbabies -- There's so much of you in Warren, and even better he is so loving. Theres my health and helping Tammy and worrying about Tracy. There are people to pray for and care about and causes to support.
So -- empty isn't the right word. Blank, as in the blank squares of a calendar seems correct. Some of the days are filled in; some are not.
Most are not.
I missed you in the shopping and the wrapping.
It was so hard to even start on the wrapping, without someone to talk with and laugh with and just keep company with. Wrapping gifts, even those chosen with love and joy in the pleasure to be can be a lonely business.
Living can be a lonely business.
Especially when one is alone.
(And yet, others around can be so wearying. I have no solutions; only facts.)
I don't write here (or anywhere) as often as I once did. I got out of the habit and sometimes it hurts and sometimes I'm too tired, and sometimes I'm even too tired to hurt MORE.
But I do talk to you often; think of you more, wish you were here, and I am glad you are not here to suffer the weather and the world the way it is.
Except that I wish you were here to answer me back; to miss me when I'm away; to care when I'm not myself.
So selfish of me, when you are pain free and with your brothers.
Just wanted to let you know I have survived one more.
Just wanted you to know I still ache for you at times.
Just wanted you to know...
