I don't know if it's winter, or the living in an open to-the-world-house , but I find I'm missing you more and more as the days go
I miss watching tv with you.
I miss sitting in the room with you while you watch tv and I write.
I miss talking to you, laughing with you, worrying with you, arguing (or debating) with you. I miss managing life and its turbulence with you.
Every day, even here with Tammy and the babies, it seems to me more and more that you are just NOT HERE.
NEVER HERE.
Never again.
How can that even be real?
How can it be two and a half years later and I'm still struggling daily with facing the knowledge and lack of presence ? Shouldn't I be "used to it" by now?
Shouldn't I at least know that this is how it is?
Why is it still so hard?
Why are you still so gone?
I miss watching tv with you.
I miss sitting in the room with you while you watch tv and I write.
I miss talking to you, laughing with you, worrying with you, arguing (or debating) with you. I miss managing life and its turbulence with you.
Every day, even here with Tammy and the babies, it seems to me more and more that you are just NOT HERE.
NEVER HERE.
Never again.
How can that even be real?
How can it be two and a half years later and I'm still struggling daily with facing the knowledge and lack of presence ? Shouldn't I be "used to it" by now?
Shouldn't I at least know that this is how it is?
Why is it still so hard?
Why are you still so gone?
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