Gosh sakes, Rex, sometimes I think you are the only person on earth who ever listened to me and heard me, too. For someone intelligent and articulate, I have the hardest time making nyself heard.It's so terribly difficult.
My biggest concern is my health. Every symptom I have is dismissed or checked off a list or something. Not even my provider seems to be hearing me.
I am weak. Physically weak. Not just lack of strength -- I can't stand at the stove long enough to grill cheese. Lack of overall energy or even desire to do anything. Like that grilled cheese sandwich. If it is going to make me so tired, will I even have energy to eat it while it's hot? It's something that's not so good cold.
My back twists.
My shoulders ache.
My hand feels as if it's being squeezed and the arm twisted all at the same time.
And I can't seem to make anyone understand how damn scared I am of driving more than a few miles or a few minutes.
Some of that is the fatigue, I'm sure, but getting lost coming home from work has (I know it's ridiculous) traumatized me. That should never have happened. Never. Never Ever.
It terrifies me. That is not an exaggeration.
But people seem to think it's normal don't-want-a-wreck fear of driving.
It isn't.
I hate to drive.
I hate to leave.
I hate to come back.
I can't stand.
I can't clean.
I can't put away when I do clean.
And yet there is nothing -- or nothing much -- wrong with me.
Oh, Rex, what the hell am I going to do?
My biggest concern is my health. Every symptom I have is dismissed or checked off a list or something. Not even my provider seems to be hearing me.
I am weak. Physically weak. Not just lack of strength -- I can't stand at the stove long enough to grill cheese. Lack of overall energy or even desire to do anything. Like that grilled cheese sandwich. If it is going to make me so tired, will I even have energy to eat it while it's hot? It's something that's not so good cold.
My back twists.
My shoulders ache.
My hand feels as if it's being squeezed and the arm twisted all at the same time.
And I can't seem to make anyone understand how damn scared I am of driving more than a few miles or a few minutes.
Some of that is the fatigue, I'm sure, but getting lost coming home from work has (I know it's ridiculous) traumatized me. That should never have happened. Never. Never Ever.
It terrifies me. That is not an exaggeration.
But people seem to think it's normal don't-want-a-wreck fear of driving.
It isn't.
I hate to drive.
I hate to leave.
I hate to come back.
I can't stand.
I can't clean.
I can't put away when I do clean.
And yet there is nothing -- or nothing much -- wrong with me.
Oh, Rex, what the hell am I going to do?
You don't have to suffer this by yourself, and you know the answer to that. And at this point, you would be as much MY mental savior as, hopefully, I would be yours. I am falling apart.
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